Final sem is torturous

the fact that im going for my practicum does not worry me as much as the fact that i still have to attend classes which make my life totally like hell..damn it, okay..i hate it..
first, i have like thousand of things to think about at the same time..
second, during my practicum, i need to conduct a research which will definitely distract a little bit of my purpose to teach at the particular school..
third, i just do not understand why my lecturers need to give all those bullshit input into my brain right now...they keep repeating the same things that we had learnt before and treat us like a dumb empty brain kind of people..


the thing that i really cannot stand is they keep criticizing us this and that without showing us exactly what they really mean, they expect us to be energetic, fun and not a boring teacher, but they bore me to death...they taught us to walk the talk, but they just talk the talk, everything they say is too ideal, things that i can just read in books...they want us to think out of box, instead they control our thoughts with their bloody perception on how they view things...


the only thing that i learn is to be reflective..now, im kinda writing my personal reflection towards the 5 weeks classes before practicum..it is a very bad idea..why? 


because we have not been to the school yet, we do not know what kind of students that we gonna teach, therefore all those things that we learn now might not be relevant especially about the lesson plan..before planning, we need to know the students' background first, ok..


i really cannot take it when some lecturers criticizing our lesson plan by just saying "find some activities to make the lesson fun" without telling us how to make it better..define your meaning of fun please, because i bet everybody has different definition of the word fun depend on what you really like..for me lesson plan is just a guide, the most important thing is how we conduct the class..right?


im not in a good state right now, sorry if i hurt anybody with my piece of mind here..i just don't have the strength to care about anybody anymore when some people don't even have the courage to even notice how bad they have done to my life right now..